Ever asked yourself “what do I want in life?”
It’s a question we must ask every 2 - 3 years because we’re humans and we evolve.
Fail to consider our evolving nature and changing priorities?
You’re at the risk of becoming boring, miserable, and grumpy with time. (Just like our dads and grand dads.)
The goal of life & our teachings
Growing up, we are rarely introduced with the spiritual, emotional, and philosophical essence of life.
Handlers mostly focus on the material and religious aspirations.
Books fail to mention thinkers like Socrates, Buddha, or Rumi. But mention the kings, counts, conquerors, and Columbuses of the world — all who chase material gain, glory, or power.
Schools fail to teach the importance of self-awareness, introspection, freedom of thought, critical thinking, and having a great relationship with yourself.
They proclaim the goal of life is to become successful. And by that, they mostly mean wealth, glory, or influence.
They never tell the goal can also be finding or creating joy, meaning, and purpose.
Does this affect our reality and inclinations in life?
Mine did. And I found out later that my answer to “what I want in life” was heavily influenced by what I was taught about success and this is the story and process of unlearning that.
At 28, I had an epiphany.
I have money, a good business, but zero joy.
I rarely spend time with myself, friends, or loved ones.
All my time and energy are dedicated to entrepreneurial pursuits.
I am chasing wealth since I was 22 because for some fucked up reason I believed success means wealth, status, & social approval.
After the sudden realization, I felt I’m building skills and money. But there is no depth. And time to enjoy.
What would I do with those cars, villas, and fancy drugs when I’ll be 50? 🤔
“We have a happiness problem,” I told myself.
“It’s not too late,” my dying self told me.
It was a wake-up call. And I was glad that it came at 28 and not 68 like Billionaire Edward Cole in Bucket List.
So I took a looong break
I halted action on all fronts — shutting down a highly profitable business and ending all financial & creative partnerships in perpetuity.
This break was necessary. For family and friends, it was stupid and childish behavior. But I don’t judge or blame them, they only care about me.
But the conventional definition of success no longer rang true to me and I was out to find and create my own with one question on my mind:
What do I truly want in life?
I had enough savings to buy a long period of unemployment. So I decided to go voluntarily unemployed and mostly stayed indoors in a 2-bed apartment.
Although it helped, but we don’t necessarily need years, unemployment, or solitude for this inquiry. Truth be told, the break was for me, and it may not be for you.
I had one goal: Get clarity
In that time, all I did was:
Write daily
Learn cooking
Play handball with a balloon
Smoke or get drunk till noon
Learn to play different instruments
Indulge in conversations with no end
Go to beach picnics or mountain getaways
Spend more time with friends I already had
People-watching for hours, from my balcony
But in the background…
I was gathering intelligence. Sharpening the axe if you like. I filled notebook after notebook writing about my life.
My Strategy 👇
Ask myself a new question about myself. Every. Single. Day.
Here are my usual topics:
Write down my journey till now
Things that trigger the devil in me
Traumas that still linger inside me
Amazing people I’ve lost over time
Behaviors I’ve picked up from others
Periods of life I have enjoyed and didn’t
Stuff & activities I used to enjoy as a child
Things I feel ashamed or unconfident about
Ideas, ideologies, & beliefs that are not mine
Work/jobs that gave me meaning & those that didn’t
Cultural & religious hang-ups that stop me from being myself
The list is never-ending so the above is just a sample of questions you can ask.
It’s the kind of task where you go wild with your imagination. After all, it’s you, your life, time, and happiness at stake.
And at last…
Clarity, of course!
These inquiries brought me closer to my current values, which led me to the most important question: what do I want in life?
After gathering a plethora of intel about myself (fears, insecurities, beliefs, doubts, strengths, skills, and positive qualities), I was able to answer the big question without any confusion.
And with that, I had my answer. Not a life-time one but at least a short-term one.
It was clear to me what I want (and need) to do in the next 2 - 3 years.
My top findings:
Health and joy are my most important metrics.
I want more calm, connection, and compassion in life.
Curiosity drives me. Building businesses probably don’t.
Learning, writing, stories, challenges & helping others give me joy.
From there, I decided to steer towards a job, or gigs, or small business-ish career that allows me to live on my own terms and pace.
Powerful insights I uncovered
Regular self-inquiry: Consistent self-inquiries help you gain clarity on your values, desires, and goals, leading to an updated understanding of your evolving self.
Introspection techniques: Engage in activities that spark self-discovery like meaningful breaks, solitude, journaling, and reflection prompts.
Find your Product-Market fit: Discover the sweet spot where your passions and values intersect with the world's needs. That’s your success.
Time wealth: It’s important to build time wealth alongside financial wealth. Or you end up with a lot of money but no time to enjoy it. Balance is key.
Reframing success: Societal norms prioritize material success above all. Pursue a definition of success that’s coined by you, not your grand dad or guru.
Final thought.
My wake-up call came at 28, but it's never too late to take a step back and ask yourself the big question: "What do I truly want in life?"
This introspection journey isn't about replicating my two-year break (though a vacation never hurts!). It's about carving out time for self-inquiry, no matter how you choose to do it.
Remember, clarity and a life filled with meaning and joy are within reach. Are you ready to find your own definition of success?
Let's kill it!
Feeling inspired? Hit reply and tell me:
What do you truly want in life?
Found it helpful? Here’s how you can appreciate me:
Show your love by clicking the ❤️ below
Reply to this email or share your thoughts in comments
Share The Strategic Self so others can find it (most helpful)
The parting gift 🎁
One track to help you look inside yourself!