Picture a day when the only thing on your to-do list is to relax.
You lounge on a hammock or read your fav book to spend the day.
But for many of us, the idea of taking a break from work can feel like a guilty pleasure we don't deserve.
Let’s find out why is that and how can we fix this with a system I will share by the end.
In simple words
Guilt is our natural sense of accountability.
For example, being truthful is a basic human tenet. When we lie, it automatically makes us feel guilty.
A pathological liar is able to lie continuously because they have difficulty experiencing guilt due to their underlying condition.
That means, we feel guilt when we ignore our values, commitments, or promises we make with ourselves.
Here’s a solid example.
Last Sunday, I missed my first issue in 9 weeks.
Had some ideas but couldn’t come up with something worthy to share. So I decided to skip a week and help my wife cook Aatay Ka Halwa.
But at what cost? I ended up feeling guilty about it.
Two of you personally reached out and asked for the newsletter. 🙊
It made me feel good that I’m writing something people want to read, and bad because I couldn’t deliver. 😶
“You had committed to write every week,” my guilt-ridden mind spoke at me.
Thus, I spent the later part of my day feeling guilty about it but also trying to figure why we behave that way.
Moving on. Let’s find out how guilt relates to work.
If you’re a job person
The sources of your guilt can be —
Missing deadlines
Messing up the calendars
Becoming a blocker for the team
Overloading your colleagues with extra work
I have met many people who don’t take an off due to one or more of the above reasons.
Here’s the story of a dear friend whom I’ll call Saad.
Saad loves meeting me as we always have a great time together, tossing around the most absurd ideas about why lion shouldn’t be the king of jungle or could Cordyceps take over humans after ants.
But whenever Saad comes over, he keeps looking at his watch repeatedly. I can see the worry lines etched on his forehead as time goes by.
It doesn't take long for me to figure what's on his mind - office. In the morning.
If I propose taking an off, he denies flatly. “Can't just drop everything and chill,” Saad explains. There are people counting on him and his boss isn't the type to let him take a sudden off.
Point: my friend wants to enjoy with me, which is always clear on his face, but he has to go. The guilt wins over joy.
Why does that happen?
Probably because Saad forgets…
It’s okay to ask for a favor sometimes.
He also covers for his coworkers from time to time.
Missing deadlines once in a while doesn’t mean dooms day.
Jobs that don’t consider you human cost more than they pay.
If you’re self-employed
Taking an off raises questions of commitment and sincerity.
Janice Saji puts it right: “it’s a tale as old as time—successful people don’t rest.”
No harm in being ambitious but celebrating overworking does no good either.
The biggest culprit 👉 hustle culture.
A hardcore workaholic ethic was drilled into us when the media glorified Steve Jobs and Elon Musks who never went home and slept in office.
LinkedIn & Twitter gurus tell you…
Keep grinding or you’re a loser.
Don’t stop when tired, only stop when you’re done.
You have the same 24 hours as Bill Gates. what’s stopping you?
These statements make you doubt your commitment. But remember, you are doing as much as you can. Things are going as they should.
Remind yourself…
You’re not a robot / machine.
You need to decompress often.
Hyper productivity leads to burnout.
And you started working for yourself to take control of your life, right?
So go ahead, take control.
Don't let yourself bailout by mistaking a daily sleep for rest. They are different!
Rest means taking out time to enjoy yourself. Reading your fav book. Having the time and space to watch a butterfly pollinating flowers.
If you feel guilty for not showing up, save yourself by reminding that breaks result in a performance boost.
For the same reason, Sabina Nawaz, author and CEO coach, advises managers to encourage their teams to take an off frequently.
And here’s Umair Aslam, co-founder Markaz, encouraging folks on LinkedIn for the same.
I find it interesting because Umair highlights millennials as the top victims. I agree because our fathers (boomers) never thought of mental health.
Skipping work was alien to them. Relaxing or spending time with family wasn’t enough reason for a break.
A LinkedIn friend Sabir believes feeling guilty for taking an off has been instilled in us since childhood.
Giving awards for 100% attendance
Writing applications if we were sick
Being demanded to justify an absence
In some cases, we had to show evidence
Remember when you wanted to skip school because you had a new game to play and how some elderly person reminded you 👇
Play and fool around, you’ll become a bum.
Study thoroughly, you’ll be the king.
Dr. Ajit Varwandkar recalls “it was a 70s Bollywood song and shows the high degree of thought pollution (related to money and success) spread in our society at that moment in history.”
Putting it bluntly, that was a scam. There is no science to back it.
But there is a lot of neuroscience to prove it wrong. Lead researcher Mukesh Dhamala from Georgia State University found…
But what sparks the guilt
Feeling guilty for taking a break from work is common among high achievers. Here are four common factors…
If you can relate with any of them, you need to improve your relationship with work.
Understand this 👇
It is important to recognize the importance of relaxation in maintaining our overall well-being and productivity.
Research has shown taking breaks can actually increase productivity and creativity, and reduce the risk of burnout.
I know you love your work and you desperately want to reach your goals, but if you continue to obsess over it without boundaries, you’re going to fall into a dark hole.
Itxy Lopez
A system to defeat guilt
The wrong kind of consistency is trying to be perfectly consistent.
Newsflash — it doesn’t exist.
You will never have 100% days every day. It’s physically and mentally impossible. So instead, managing that % is what’s important.
Here’s how 👇
Define what a best day looks like for you.
Break it down into actions or activities that help you achieve what you value in life — health, work, family, joy.
For example, if your goals are to eat healthy, run a business, enjoy a side hobby, and stay fit you should break your day as…
Healthy breakfast
Working on your biz
Enjoying your hobby
Workout or swimming
These are the four activities that make the best day for you. Now, give each a percentage point based on how important it is to you.
Diet 20%
Work 40%
Hobby 20%
Fitness 20%
Now, if you skip work someday, you won’t feel guilty. Because it’s not end of the world, you’ve only not-done 40% of the shit.
Skipped a workout? No problemo. You’re only 20% short. No need to feel bad for the rest of the day.
This perspective allows you to understand it’s not as bad as you are making it.
You’re a human being, don’t try to be a robot.
Dividing your day allows you to rethink what else have you gotten done that day. As a result, your chances of defeating the guilt increases.
That’s it for today!
Thank you for your time to read this. I hope this letter will give you some insight on taking breaks unapologetically and without feeling guilty about it.
The parting gift 🎁
Three exciting tracks to enjoy your relaxing moments.
Here’s a recap of today’s letter:
Overworking leads to burnout not success.
Breaks are performance and creativity boosters.
Sleep is not rest. Rest is taking out time to enjoy yourself.
Jobs that don't consider you human cost more than they pay.
It's okay to take an off sometimes, no need to feel guilty about it.
Break your day in activities to reduce guilt of skipping one of them.
Until next week,
Hassaan
Breaking down the day into multiple activities not just one activity that add value is a nice way to tackle the guilt mechanism because I do experience it a lot :/
I will give it a try!