Hello friends!
Self doubt is good until it’s keeping our arrogance in check.
Beyond that, it’s an enemy.
Growing up, I didn’t probably learn how to cope with doubts.
Every authority figure (parents, teachers, bosses) forced me to comply and behave using shame, comparison, competition, or doubt.
‘You are not good enough’
‘Your grades are worse than him’
‘Let’s see who finishes their milk first’
‘Stay on the ground, don’t fly too much’
We cannot change the past. But we can change the future.
But first… where have I been
It’s been 4 weeks I didn’t write anything at The Strategic Self (previously Khayali Pulao). There’s a big reason behind my absence (and rebranding, which we will discuss at the end) that I want to share with you.
I’ve been battling self doubt.
Is my writing meaningful?
Does it matter to anyone?
Is it helping anyone achieve anything?
The biggest of all: am I even a good writer? 😅
After two weeks of NOT writing and shaming myself for it, I looked in the mirror and asked myself: Does my mind control me or I control it?
That was it. I sat down to figure it out. The idea was to put a knife through my self doubt and cut it open.
I needed to understand how it begins, how it affects me, and how does it succeed in taking over me.
To be exact, I wanted to find out how I go from self belief —> self doubt in a matter of days.
Here’s what I found.
This 6-step process happens inside our mind. And you can see, each step is more self sabotaging than the previous one.
It begins with a triggering event:
Self criticism
A minor setback
Comparison with others
In today’s world, social media feeds are the top triggers of self doubt.
This triggering event shakes our confidence and plants the seed of doubt. If we become aware of this at an early stage, we can stop it.
Now that we know how it happens, we can reverse engineer it.
Confidence lost —> Write and repeat affirmations
Imposter feelings —> Revisit proofs of competence
Procrastination —> Take one tiny action in right direction
Limiting beliefs —> Question and counter with empowering ones
Negative self talk —> Meditate and begin positive self talk
Triggering event —> Find it and realize it for future defense
And… say hello to healthy and powerful: Self belief.
I guarantee if you do this, you will start feeling positive. Use the regained self belief to create momentum.
How To Build Self Belief
Instead of overcoming self-doubt, build self belief from scratch.
Let’s explore three ways to do it.
1. Build a ‘wall of love’ for yourself
A wall of accomplishments in your room? A brilliant way to feel great about yourself. Whenever you doubt yourself, look at that wall.
Don’t have many awards like myself? Print the text messages from friends & colleagues who appreciate you and paste it on that wall.
But I’m a fan of spreadsheets more than walls. So I have a Google sheet where I compile all my accomplishments, feedbacks, and results I have generated for my own biz & for clients.
I have imported all the reviews and testimonials in it.
Whenever I start noticing imposter thoughts or negative self talk, I open the sheet and read through hundreds of rows to give myself proof of my strengths.
It’s an instant mood-changer and breaks the negative thought pattern.
2. Start your day with affirmations
Affirmations are a great tool to strengthen our strengths and build self belief.
But developing a habit of writing and repeating affirmations in the morning sets you up for success for the whole day.
I have recently learned to write a weekly "why am I remarkable." I also write these before meetings I'm anxious about.
3. Be vulnerable: connect and share
We struggle the most when we keep our doubts to ourselves.
I have found, being vulnerable and sharing our doubts with others help us gain perspective.
For example, after not writing here for weeks, I messaged some of my engaged readers to share my doubts and ask them for brutally honest feedback.
To my surprise, many of you have said you found value from my newsletters. But there were some issues I wasn’t aware of:
Sending the newsletter on Sunday is a bad idea
I don’t promote the newsletter as much as I can
The name Khayali Pulao doesn’t resonate with potential subscribers
I’m heartily thankful to everyone who helped me figure the above problems. It wasn’t possible without you. 😍
As a result, I have gained more perspective and overcame my self doubt.
Next, I decided to:
Send the newsletter on weekdays
Promote it even more on socials and communities
Rebrand the publication to ‘The Strategic Self’ to make it simpler
That's a wrap!
I’m glad and happy as I write this: Just like you, me, and the universe, this publication is evolving. 🙌
Thank you for your time to read this. Share your thoughts, questions, and concerns in the comments below.
I’d love to hear what you have to say.